[Image: a series of tweets by justified agitator (@Awkward_Duck) on August 19, 2014.
1:23 AM: We literally laid in someone’s backyard for what seemed like an eternity while tanks rolled down the streets #Ferguson
1:26 AM: I’m live tweeting because there’s a media blackout. #Ferguson
1:33 AM: I’m so shaken. They’re literally just rolling around throwing tear gas into neighborhoods-not aggressive crowds. #Ferguson
1:34 AM: I was pouring milk over one guys eyes when they came back around and threw another at us. #Ferguson
1:51 AM: Let me repeat, THEY ARE GASSING NEIGHBORHOODS not crowds of protestors.There was only a few of us walking. there is no curfew, so why?]
I’m so tired.
I’m tired of having to explain why my people deserve to live.
Why young black boys that remind me of my brothers and black women my own age shouldn’t be hunted down like game and then put on trial to gauge whether or not they labored enough by arbitrary standards of respectability to have a beating heart and functioning pulse unquestioned.
I’m tired of a neoliberal capitalist society that selectively chooses and then commodifies which aspects of the Black experience it wants, but dismisses our concerns.
I’m tired of this gut wrenching feeling of knowledge that every time there is a Rekia Boyd, Renisha McBride, Oscar Grant, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin or Ezell Ford, there are swarms of people who are ready with a premeditated laundry list of excuses as to why their existences weren’t worthy enough to be mourned and that their murderers deserve for their lives to continue unscathed. Because robbing a black person of their life isn’t a crime to them. That there are mobs of people who will exert effort and energy if it guarantees demeaning our lives and justifying our deaths.
I’m tired of seeing black elders who lived through Jim Crow and were only a generational gap away from having met enslaved family members have to see Jim Crow manifest itself in several different ways against the youngsters they tirelessly fought for. That they will leave this Earth without seeing true black liberation come to fruition.
I’m tired of having to bite my tongue until I feel blood gush from my tastebuds because someone who I allowed myself to get close to said something that directly serves as a means of jeopardizing my people’s safety and right to live without persecution. That a whole room of people can laugh at a joke that catapults my community into a laughing stock. I’m tired of the liberal who actually considers me a friend but doesn’t realize how racist “jokes” play into a larger mechanism of normalization, so much so that people who internalize these “jokes” enough won’t be able to connect the dots of dishonesty when it comes time to defend black kids who are ruthlessly executed by state vigilantes.
I’m tired of witnessing the scores of black mothers who lose children being neglected in larger feminist “reproductive rights” discourses. Yes, women (and all FAAB individuals) should be protected by law not to continue pregnancies against their will, but black mothers should not have to worry about their children being wrongfully terminated by a state dedicated to terrorizing them. Is the right to keep a child not as urgent as the ability to terminate a pregnancy? Why are black women having to continue defending their own victimized slain children not a feminist concern?
There are so many aspects to black existence that deplete energy and deprive optimism and everything feels so uselessly tiring.
"From 2006 to 2012, a white police officer killed a black person at least twice a week in this country." - MHP